Windows

I love the windows in my apartment. Don't get me wrong. They're dirty. I need to clean them, but sometimes I question whether or not I have the "elbow grease" to get the job done. I feel like the dust is caked on from years of using window air conditioning units. I still try. There is something completely satisfying about having clean windows. 

I digress… the thing I love about these windows is their age. The house I live in was built in 1915 and I'm pretty sure these windows are original. They let cold air through the panes on chilly days like today. Days perfect for afghans and records. For reading books that are really old friends. They're warped windows. There's a little… flutter if you will… that makes what you see outside just a little bit off. And it's beautiful. The changing leaves and bare branches are just a little bit prettier because of them. 

I really wouldn't change them for anything (although I would still wish for central heat/air!) if you stop by, please forgive the dust on my windows; I think it's a century old ;)

The Most Peaceful Time

It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm just about at my favorite time in my routine. At least the routine that I'm attempting. Staying up late and allowing myself to create what "normal" is for my work hours. 

Get home from work, watch about an hour of tv and de-stress (sometimes his will be at the gym), do some light tidying, shower so I'm not rushing in the morning, and now. Everything is done. The only sound is the sound of my window unit air conditioner. Occasionally I'll quietly play a record or two; most nights I'll spend some time reading. 

There's something perfect in this hour. The whole house is quiet and if the light in my reading nook is off because I'm reading my kindle instead of a physical book (not tonight!) the only light comes from the glow of a street light. Even looking outside has peace to it. 

As I soak into this routine, I'm thankful that God has gave this time to me. 

Everyone needs a little peace. 

Just Don't Say It To Me

I very often get told to say no more often. To make more time for myself. To spend some time taking care of me or else I'll "be no good to anyone else". 

All great advice. Truly. As an introvert I CRAVE the time alone as a time to reenergize and restore depleted energy. It's not that I don't love spending time with my friends, I really do, it's just that being around people can often exhaust me. And the small talk I make all day on the phone wears me out. Here's the problem:

Everyone wants me to make more time for myself, but that often times feels like a "say no more often, just not to me". 

Where is the line drawn? Who's feelings do I hurt? How do I say no often times to my closest friends? They're my depth conversations. The people I can actually connect to in a conversation about much much more than the weather or football. But they most often fall into my "spare time"

It's an effort. A making time because I care. A staying up until all hours of the morning because that's when stillness can exist. A sometimes being tired at work in order to carve out time to do some sewing or work on a quilt. A work in progress. 

I know it will take time. Balance always does. But until them, friends, know that I'm trying. That I care. And that email and text messages are always an option (and something I find non-invasive). I'm sorry if feelings get hurt, but I can't just bottle myself up anymore and pretend like my "me time" doesn't matter. I'll figure it all out… I'll even figure out gym time, too ;)

Making an Apartment a Home

I've lived in my current place since September and I've yet to put up art and make it a home. The utilitarian curtains that belong to either the former tenant or my landlord are still up in the kitchen and living room and I have yet to really organize everything to my liking (I'm thinking about changing where my couches currently exist?). This past Saturday I was in this really weird place. I wanted to be a hermit and started getting a migraine and just didn't want contact with the outside world and at some point I thought, "I just need to do something for me". So I did...

I took down Christmas stuff and got it all stored away, in the process I got all of the other curtains that lived in my front closet (an absurd amount!) and got them all folded and boxed and out of my way; glad I did, too... I found the curtain rods for the bathroom! Then I finally finished unpacking my suitcases from Christmas and putting all of that stuff up and got my living room all arranged... then I refinished ottomans I've have for close to 5 years?!?

I bought fabric to recover with in August! Before I even moved in, but after I knew what my (new to me) furniture looked like... want to see them?

They need some more staple-gunning to the bottom, but I'm SO happy with how they turned out!!

Next up? New hand stamped curtains for the living room (and maybe kitchen?)... maybe this weekend ;)

Thankfulness

Every other year my parents come to visit me for Thanksgiving. The other years I normally just stay home. Alone. Watch the parade… make a smaller version of a Thanksgiving meal for myself. Maybe go to a movie with friends… or by myself. This year I got myself invited to GA to have a Thanksgiving meal with family & I'm so glad I did! I wish I had done this years ago, but with my old work schedule it just never seemed to work out. I'm determined to go down again sometime in the spring & go fishing (I haven't fished since at least high school!)

Over the past couple of years several of my cousins and I have commented on how awesome it is that we're not just cousin's anymore, but truly friends. I really love catching up with them and  hearing about life. I'm in awe of the perfect for them spouses (really I could just say husbands since I have almost all female cousins and the 1 guy isn't married yet!) that God has provided... and I love that closeness that makes us make sure others will be there when there is any kind of family function; just so we can hug and see each other face to face.

In light of all this, here's a short-ish list of things I am thankful for this year...

1. Luke 2:7 - And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger,
2. My Mom & Pops
3. My Brothers & SIL's
4. My Niece & Nephews
5. My Aunts and Uncles (all of them!)
6. My Cousins (& Cousin-in-law's)
7. My friends near and far who are really extensions of my family.
8. My Church Family (from churches past & present)
9. My Coworkers (aka My Work Family)

I'm so thankful for the family I've been given whether I was born with them in my life or not. I am so very blessed.

What Do You Mean I Haven't Been Blogging?

There has been a lot of turmoil and emotion... and emotionless... I don't know if I want to talk about it...I've been playing photographer again, however, and I just really love this image. Congratulations Graduates, I hope you get some rest this summer...

Diagnosis: Rosacea

I don’t know what to say. I’ve been processing this for the last month since I was officially diagnosed, but really for a few months before that. A few months spent (correctly) self diagnosing my Rosacea.

The processing involved disbelief and anger and a lot (A LOT) of tears. I finally pulled myself together (let’s be honest… I’m still pulling myself together) and finally made a doctor’s appointment to get diagnosed.

Basically Rosacea is a skin rash. Red and flushing… sometimes bumps that unfortunately look like pimples… I started questioning my own vanity… That was hard for me. I’m that girl that will go to a grocery store right after a hard workout or still wearing pj’s on a Saturday. I almost never wear make-up… I’m really comfortable with that. But here I am with a diagnosis of a skin issue that will cause me to look red, flushed… all of the sudden I became an emotional wreck. I started thinking about getting back into the swing of everyday makeup and overcompensating for the red.

I cried and I cried… Then I started talking to my mom more and asking for more advice (and got some amazingly encouraging emails). I started researching and learning. The person in me who prefers organic foods and homemade cleaning supplies got excited at the thought that it can be at least mostly controlled by avoiding food and environmental triggers… I really don’t like taking pills… the Chicagoan in me started mourning pizza.

So today is day one; my first day of starting an elimination diet. Trying to determine my food triggers and get rid of them, hoping that I won’t have to take medication on a regular basis, knowing that it won’t be easy.

Time to learn what real discipline is…..