I Struggle

I struggle with how honest I can be here. How much I can share. How much I might hurt someone's feelings or make them angry or upset... What's the rule? Where's the line?

When do I stop trying to make people happy?

I feel like I've upset several people over the last month and my God-serving self is at war with my Humanity-serving self.

Do what the Holy Spirit is leading you to do, but don't upset anyone else while you're doing it.

Keep it quiet.

sssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......

They might get upset.....

Even now I'm fighting my desire to delete every single thing I've written so far. Maybe I won't even post this. Maybe I will........... *sigh*

I have struggled at my church for a while now... like a couple of years, not a couple of weeks... and due to some circumstances, I spent a few weekd focusing on God's will in my life fasting and praying and trying to seek His leading for my life.

I'm leaving that church. I've known for a couple of months, but wanted to be able to share with others so that no one found out here. It has nothing to do with anyone specifically, it's the Holy Spirit leading. At first I had no idea where I would go or where my future would be, but I learned more and more about the Harvest Nashville church plant. Harvest is the church I went to in the Chicagoland area and I'm blessed to say I'm a part of this core group of people launching in Nashville.

God is doing so much and desiring much for Nashville, it's almost palpable!! The more I'm able to be involved and the more I contribute, the more excited I get!

I apologize for hurt feelings, or anything taken other than intended, but I refuse to apologize for following the will of God in my life.

Labor Day

Plans? What are yours?

Grilling out and friends and family? tell me, tell me =o)

I have a list... it's numbered C =o)

1. Boot Camp- today was my first day back in 3 weeks! (check)
2. Sit with an ice pack on my back for a bit while watching Doctor Who and uploading CD's on the new laptop. (check, check, check)
3. Clean! Bedroom, bathroom...  (I'm blogging to avoid starting)
4. Shower and make myself "out with friends" cute.
5. Dinner with my Cousin and her boyfriend and a friend of theirs.
6. Home, veg out, sleep.....

And now that I've finished typing this... *sigh*... time to clean...

I'm Starting a Fund....

It's going to be called:

Massage Makes Joy's Back Feel AWESOME!

Who wants to donate? =oD

My back in still twingy... I'm still dealing with it through anti-inflammatories... and heating pads... and occasionally ice packs... but at the beginning fo the month before all of this craziness went down, I signed up for a 20 minute chair massage for today at work (because my company is awesome and it's pretty cheap).

I admit to being a little trepidatious as I walked across the street for the massage, but I had talked to my friend the massage therapist about my back when this all went down a couple of weeks ago, so I figured she'd understand if I needed to quit.

Didn't need to... as a matter of fact for the first time in almost 3 weeks I stood up and walked around like nothing was wrong!

By the time I got back to my desk things got a little bit slightly twingy again, but I'm feeling o-so-much better than I was a couple of hours ago.....

Who wants to donate? I think an hour a day until my back is all better sounds good ;o)

Going Through E-mails

I was scrolling through my email folders and stumbled across one I forgot about simply titled "worship". Curious, I opened it to find 1 email I had saved from November 2008. It seems that I had typed out and emailed myself songs that we sand in youth group...

This was one of my favorites:

     Messiah
     you are the giver of life
     you are the river running deep in my soul
     my desire
     fill me til I overflow

     each morning you're the brightest
     star shining in the highest
     heaven above -- creator of all I see
     and you love me

     each noonday youre the cool breeze
     that whispers through the shade trees
     touching my face -- your grace like a melody
     refreshes me

     each evening youre the sunset
     that paints a dark shilouette
     stroke of a brush -- a hush and the world lies still
     a quite thrill

Wordless Wednesday

Working...

I'm working on a couple of blog posts... you know, the kind that touch me deep at heart and are really part of the reason I haven't blogged much lately. I've had a lot going on that I didn't feel I could quite yet share.

So I might be somewhat radio silent this week... Perhaps I'll put up some photos (now that I have a faster 'puter I'm able to edit some of the photos I've been putting off).

But next week, we'll get real again... after I have a few conversations... after I send a few e-mails... after I make sure the people who should find things out from me and not my blog find out from me.

That all sounded SO ominous! hahaha... rest assured it's not =o)

I'll leave you with a photo for today...

Wordless Wednesday