Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Just Don't Say It To Me

I very often get told to say no more often. To make more time for myself. To spend some time taking care of me or else I'll "be no good to anyone else". 

All great advice. Truly. As an introvert I CRAVE the time alone as a time to reenergize and restore depleted energy. It's not that I don't love spending time with my friends, I really do, it's just that being around people can often exhaust me. And the small talk I make all day on the phone wears me out. Here's the problem:

Everyone wants me to make more time for myself, but that often times feels like a "say no more often, just not to me". 

Where is the line drawn? Who's feelings do I hurt? How do I say no often times to my closest friends? They're my depth conversations. The people I can actually connect to in a conversation about much much more than the weather or football. But they most often fall into my "spare time"

It's an effort. A making time because I care. A staying up until all hours of the morning because that's when stillness can exist. A sometimes being tired at work in order to carve out time to do some sewing or work on a quilt. A work in progress. 

I know it will take time. Balance always does. But until them, friends, know that I'm trying. That I care. And that email and text messages are always an option (and something I find non-invasive). I'm sorry if feelings get hurt, but I can't just bottle myself up anymore and pretend like my "me time" doesn't matter. I'll figure it all out… I'll even figure out gym time, too ;)