Tuesday, March 31, 2009
2. "I'll be with you in one moment," means "Come right up here into my business and breathe your popcorn breath in my face for a while."
3. Every bank in the world steals money from its customers, particularly from the ones that don't keep a transaction register.
4. I'm always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I'm a good kidder.
5. I know the balance of every account at the bank.
6. I am at the bank just because I feel like it. My window isn't actually open when I say, "May I help you?"
7. I know everyone's account number.
8. I know everyone's address.
9. I don't understand how banking works.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.
11. I don't know how to count.
12. I don't know how to add.
13. I don't know what the date is.
14. I can read everyone's mind.
15. If I ask for your social, Im trying to steal your identity.
16. I know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I know how much everyones bills are for the month.
18. We don't sell stamps.
19. We are just here for fun on most holidays, we're not really open. We love it when you rub it in.
20. When someone asks how you want your cash back, your suppose to wait until I have it counted it back to you.
21. Apparently people have different definitions of commercial.
22. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don't mind.
23. Everyone with the Bank name tag is related.
24. I am also your secretary.
25. We love to place holds on your checks for fun. We are the only bank that does it.
26. 13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.
27. I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, lollipops, and coffee.
28. It is polite to ignore someone when they say hello.
29. It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.
30. I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
31. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
32. I am not really human. I should never make mistakes.
33. It is okay to walk into someone's office when their door is shut.
34. I have a secret collection of licenses in my cubby.
35. I can't hear. I need you to ding the bell 5 times in a row.
36. The sign that says "Next Window Please" is just for decoration.
37. I make people wait on purpose. It's fun to make them mad.
38. I know everyone's PIN number to their ATM card.
39. Fraud doesn't really happen to anyone. Therefore, I should give everyone exactly what they want.
40. The coin machine is my favorite thing to do.
41. The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas. We order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.
42. Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.
43. Checking and Savings deposit slips are EXACTLY the same, we just like all the pretty colors and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word savings changes the deposit slip completely!
44. When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
45. We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes..
46. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand!
47. I am psychic. When you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information automatically. My computer is voice activated. It's all that fancy technology we have.
48. You don't have to tell me that you've been with the bank for 50 years. I can tell.
49. Even after 5 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If I've never met you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
50. I make the rules for the banking industry. You can blame everything on me!
51. I'm an idiot.
52. Credit Reports are not indicators of one’s future performance.
53. Your clock means nothing, they WERE in line before 5:00.
54. No one has ever asked them for ID before, everyone trust them.
55. "Is this something new..." means it doesn't apply to them.
56. What business is it of yours where or how they got this lottery check from "Joe Plumbing"
57. They don't care what your title is, only the President is going to help them.
58 Yes, it is 6:15 on Friday, the lights are out and the doors are locked, but it would be no problem whatsoever for me to cash your payroll check out of my pocket right here in the parking lot
59. I know the sign says closed, but sure, go ahead shake the door, maybe we forgot to lock it. Oh yeah, look at us like we are stupid, that always helps too.
60. We move our clocks several minutes back in the morning and several minutes ahead in the afternoon just to make sure you are either early or late in arriving at the bank.
61. The reason you've never heard of such a policy/standard/procedure is because we make them up on the spot to make you mad.
62. Errors in your favor are yours to keep because anyone over the age of 3 knows "Finders keepers, losers weepers
63. As long as you have checks, you can spend, spend, SPEND!
64. Yes you are absolutely correct. We did pick your account out this month to screw up. The good news is you get to draw the name of the person we will screw up next month.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hey all of you, my favorite blog readers! A good friend of mine has a friend who had a baby on March 4th. Little Maxton was born with CDH which is when the baby has an opening in their diaphragm that allows organs to be pushed into the chest. He is having surgery tomorrow starting at about 9/9:30. You can read more about him on his mommy's blog!
***Little Maxton went to heaven last night, please be praying for his Mommy & Daddy***
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
My cousin Leanne's Birthday!!! But you may know it better as St. Patrick's Day =o) So, to all of you out there who are Irish, and those of you pretending to be for the day, a St. Patrick's Day toast.
Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland.
Here's toasting to his health.
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see those snakes again!
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Probably one of yours, too...
You may know him better as Dr. Seuss. The goofy genius behind Hop on Pop, Green Eggs and Ham, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish; and my personal favorites The Lorax and The Sneetches.
I wrote a Seuss-like poem in honor of his day and thought I would share it with you.
Joy's Ode to Dr. Seuss Books
I could read them
In a chair
Or right next to
A big old bear
I could read them
near a tree
while listening to
a buzzing bee
I could read them
and on my face
never a frown
I could read them
in a zoo
next to a monkey
or striped kangaroo
I have put down
my ball and bat
and read tales of
a mischievous cat
fun stories filled
with turtles named yertle
and all about pockets
filled with wockets
of places you go
and things you'll see
and I'll never forget
that book about me
of Horton and who's
and lorax and sneetches
of sam I am's
and foxes in sockses
of all Dr. Seuss's
creative mind benders
and ram shackled thoughts
flim-foozeled with splendors
I'm thankful each day
since the time I could listen
for his brilliant prose
that make memories glisten
In honor of the man who made our childhoods so much fun, you can print pages and color them with some crayola crayons (another childhood favorite for me!)