What Do You Mean I Haven't Been Blogging?

There has been a lot of turmoil and emotion... and emotionless... I don't know if I want to talk about it...I've been playing photographer again, however, and I just really love this image. Congratulations Graduates, I hope you get some rest this summer...

Diagnosis: Rosacea

I don’t know what to say. I’ve been processing this for the last month since I was officially diagnosed, but really for a few months before that. A few months spent (correctly) self diagnosing my Rosacea.

The processing involved disbelief and anger and a lot (A LOT) of tears. I finally pulled myself together (let’s be honest… I’m still pulling myself together) and finally made a doctor’s appointment to get diagnosed.

Basically Rosacea is a skin rash. Red and flushing… sometimes bumps that unfortunately look like pimples… I started questioning my own vanity… That was hard for me. I’m that girl that will go to a grocery store right after a hard workout or still wearing pj’s on a Saturday. I almost never wear make-up… I’m really comfortable with that. But here I am with a diagnosis of a skin issue that will cause me to look red, flushed… all of the sudden I became an emotional wreck. I started thinking about getting back into the swing of everyday makeup and overcompensating for the red.

I cried and I cried… Then I started talking to my mom more and asking for more advice (and got some amazingly encouraging emails). I started researching and learning. The person in me who prefers organic foods and homemade cleaning supplies got excited at the thought that it can be at least mostly controlled by avoiding food and environmental triggers… I really don’t like taking pills… the Chicagoan in me started mourning pizza.

So today is day one; my first day of starting an elimination diet. Trying to determine my food triggers and get rid of them, hoping that I won’t have to take medication on a regular basis, knowing that it won’t be easy.

Time to learn what real discipline is…..

Better Every Time

Tonight I went to see the movie of Les Miserables a second time. I saw it with my parents on Christmas Day and tonight with friends. All of us had seen it prior to tonight... all of us knew what we were "getting in to".

I thought since I had seen it that it wouldn't really effect me the same way. The first time I saw it, I cried. Starting with Anne Hathaway's singing of I Dreamed a Dream and continuing throughout the movie. Same with tonight. I just find the whole movie to be such a beautiful story of grace and redemption...

Seeing the conflicting Valjean and Javert stories... Grace vs. Law...

We're reading through the Bible as a church over the next two years and right now we're in Genesis (and Psalms) but I know we're not far away from the laws of the Hebrews... the rules and specifications, the do's and don'ts... the ways you had to live.

I'm so grateful for Grace. I am so thankful for Jesus Christ. I'm so thankful for the grace I am shown daily. It's hard sometimes... a lot of times... to show grace to others, I struggle with it often. But I have been so convicted daily to show the grace to others that I receive.

I fail, but grace is there... I don't ever fear of it being taken away from me. I hope you share that peace.

2013 Me Time

My life gets hectic... I let it happen... So much so that I tend to put "Have a Me Day" for once a month on any kind of a New Years Resolution.

Not that I make New Years Resolutions.

This year I'm claiming more time. I'm still going to spend time with friends, but God is doing a lot in my life and I need to focus more on my time with Him (which really is my time for me, too). I'm going to be putting God first...

man... how many times have I said that.....

Sorry, friends, if I'm not completely accessible... I feel like that's already starting... but I'm claiming week nights in the name of gym time and reading time (I'm really looking forward to some challenging books; including the Bible!).

I love you all, I just love God more =o) which is how it should be... and like I prayed on Sunday in our prayer service at church, I really pray that this is the year I stop running from the fear of all I know God is calling me to; and I instead turn and run into His arms with hope for my future.

Praying for you, too, friends as this New Year has started....

My Heart Aches

I don't talk about adoption a lot here... I know I've mentioned it a few times here and there over the last couple of years, but adoption is something that God has given me a heart for.

For children that will be adopted and their families who can't wait to be together with them and for the people that will support those families (weather financially or prayerfully or however).

Today my heart aches. I woke up to read the news that Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed a bill into law that bans American families from adopting from Russia. I can't imagine the pain and the hurt that families are feeling, especially the families that have already met their sons and daughters and may not be able to bring them home. Sitting here typing this I am crying for them... and for those babies and children that are in those overcrowded orphanages...

I am only comforted by the fact that in all of this God will shine through. He protects the fatherless. He is over all and He will prevail. He will never leave us.

I have no more words..............

Merry Christmas!

I'm working on Christmas blog posts, although I'm thinking about doing them for the traditional 12 Days of Christmas and that doesn't actually start until Christmas... maybe not... we'll see =o)

I also have some real things on my mind and I want to get them out there. I want to see what could happen with these thoughts...

You see, for some reason I'm feeling very pulled towards outward thinking. About people who need more than I do. I know that I've been referred to as a bit of a "bah humbug" when I say that I don't really want presents, but I don't really always feel like I need "things". I find myself more and more giving things away to Goodwill (although I'm thinking I might start using Salvation Army instead very soon...) and wanting to donate and give things to people who need them more than I do.

I suppose part of it is thinking more globally... Friends and I are making gifts for each other, but if we weren't I probably would have donated to an organization like Heifer International in their names... For others, my favorite place to shop is a store called Philanthropy, at least 10% of their profits (generally more) go back to organizations in TN and around the world; they also sell some products made my people in the Sudan or elsewhere to help them make a living.

I don't know what to do with this desire I have... I'm talking to a friend about having "parties", although really just get togethers with friends to raise money or canned goods or......... something.............

All that being said... I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. That you enjoy celebrating the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the new life I have and that He gives me the desire to help others and bring them this wonderful news of eternity.

Pray for me... I think there's going to be a lot going on for me in 2013... 

Thanksgiving

I have no list this year... I didn't think about it long enough or soon enough.

I'm thankful for God and for my new church and dear friends... but this year I'm most thankful for getting to spend Thanksgiving with my parents!

Every other year my parents come to TN for Thanksgiving to see me and we cook and eat and stuff, but it's not about food.. it's about time spent with my parents. It's about hugs and laughter and helping them figure out things on their iPad; it's about playing Gin Rummy and Pinochle (competitively) and taking walks... but mostly it's about time.

I love my parents and I love that they love me so much they come here so I'm not without family every Thanksgiving.

I hope that you, blogging friends, are equally as blessed as I am.

Happy Thanksgiving!