1. I know everyone in the world, so I never need to ask for ID.
2. "I'll be with you in one moment," means "Come right up here into my business and breathe your popcorn breath in my face for a while."
3. Every bank in the world steals money from its customers, particularly from the ones that don't keep a transaction register.
4. I'm always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I'm a good kidder.
5. I know the balance of every account at the bank.
6. I am at the bank just because I feel like it. My window isn't actually open when I say, "May I help you?"
7. I know everyone's account number.
8. I know everyone's address.
9. I don't understand how banking works.
10. I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.
11. I don't know how to count.
12. I don't know how to add.
13. I don't know what the date is.
14. I can read everyone's mind.
15. If I ask for your social, Im trying to steal your identity.
16. I know when every new coin will be arriving.
17. I know how much everyones bills are for the month.
18. We don't sell stamps.
19. We are just here for fun on most holidays, we're not really open. We love it when you rub it in.
20. When someone asks how you want your cash back, your suppose to wait until I have it counted it back to you.
21. Apparently people have different definitions of commercial.
22. Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don't mind.
23. Everyone with the Bank name tag is related.
24. I am also your secretary.
25. We love to place holds on your checks for fun. We are the only bank that does it.
26. 13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.
27. I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, lollipops, and coffee.
28. It is polite to ignore someone when they say hello.
29. It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.
30. I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.
31. Being rude should make me want to help you more.
32. I am not really human. I should never make mistakes.
33. It is okay to walk into someone's office when their door is shut.
34. I have a secret collection of licenses in my cubby.
35. I can't hear. I need you to ding the bell 5 times in a row.
36. The sign that says "Next Window Please" is just for decoration.
37. I make people wait on purpose. It's fun to make them mad.
38. I know everyone's PIN number to their ATM card.
39. Fraud doesn't really happen to anyone. Therefore, I should give everyone exactly what they want.
40. The coin machine is my favorite thing to do.
41. The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas. We order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.
42. Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.
43. Checking and Savings deposit slips are EXACTLY the same, we just like all the pretty colors and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word savings changes the deposit slip completely!
44. When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I'm just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.
45. We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes..
46. I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand!
47. I am psychic. When you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information automatically. My computer is voice activated. It's all that fancy technology we have.
48. You don't have to tell me that you've been with the bank for 50 years. I can tell.
49. Even after 5 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If I've never met you, I have no idea what I'm doing.
50. I make the rules for the banking industry. You can blame everything on me!
51. I'm an idiot.
52. Credit Reports are not indicators of one’s future performance.
53. Your clock means nothing, they WERE in line before 5:00.
54. No one has ever asked them for ID before, everyone trust them.
55. "Is this something new..." means it doesn't apply to them.
56. What business is it of yours where or how they got this lottery check from "Joe Plumbing"
57. They don't care what your title is, only the President is going to help them.
58 Yes, it is 6:15 on Friday, the lights are out and the doors are locked, but it would be no problem whatsoever for me to cash your payroll check out of my pocket right here in the parking lot
59. I know the sign says closed, but sure, go ahead shake the door, maybe we forgot to lock it. Oh yeah, look at us like we are stupid, that always helps too.
60. We move our clocks several minutes back in the morning and several minutes ahead in the afternoon just to make sure you are either early or late in arriving at the bank.
61. The reason you've never heard of such a policy/standard/procedure is because we make them up on the spot to make you mad.
62. Errors in your favor are yours to keep because anyone over the age of 3 knows "Finders keepers, losers weepers
63. As long as you have checks, you can spend, spend, SPEND!
64. Yes you are absolutely correct. We did pick your account out this month to screw up. The good news is you get to draw the name of the person we will screw up next month.